She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The best revenge is premature balding
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
