just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
