Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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