Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
