I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
