So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
