my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
