if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
