We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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