My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
