loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
