he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
