Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
