3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize