his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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