We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
