i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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