Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
