hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
