I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
