I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
