I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
