...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
