That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
MIDGETS
????
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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