It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
