just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
be right there i have to get my cape
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
