I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
