woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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