I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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