i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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