and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
