Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
