Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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