So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
