Ketchup is God's man juice
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
