If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
