she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Ketchup is God's man juice
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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