I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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