So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Even my vagina gasped.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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