Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
