I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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