Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize