The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We had sex on a dog bed..
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
