it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize