I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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