ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
