Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
