I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
