I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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