You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
