I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
