I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
