don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
