We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
