Sry I called you an 8
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
