You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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