GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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