i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i wish my penis had a tongue
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
