cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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