The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
