she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
