So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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