I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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