Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Do vagina's smell?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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