Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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