That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
