I accidentally burped into my bong.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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