i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
