i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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