Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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