awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
