She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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