Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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