Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
