So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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